she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
