fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
