I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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