I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
