Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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