Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think a kid would responsible me up
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
