apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
