When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
