Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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