I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
