I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I touched a dick in church today
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
that may or may not have been my penis.
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