you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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