I didn't shave. On purpose
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
