i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
