I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
