Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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