Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
