There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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