fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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