So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
