she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The air was thick with penises
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
