i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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