there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
