She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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