This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
