...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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