I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
