god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She told me I should be a condom model.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
