Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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