i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
