Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
