TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
