Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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