$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
