Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
