Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
