I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
