I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
