Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
