at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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