i think my tv is drunk
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
