Just fell off a train. Bad.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
