Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
