plz talk dirty to me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
