apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the day after is always just damage control
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
