apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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