Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
