i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
