really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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