I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize