I want to have your abortion
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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