and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
two words...techno handjob
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
