I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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