Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
