the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
