Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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