omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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