i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
