Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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