She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
