your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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