she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
