Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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