I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
