i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
