You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
