Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
