well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
