some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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