he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
