why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
