my mouth tastes like poor choices
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
