and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize