I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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