Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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