Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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