i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
